Wǒ huì shuō yīdiǎn Pǔtōnghuà

When V and I enrolled into “May in China” to learn Mandarin, we were just another “lǎowài” (the Chinese slang for foreigner) pair who were trying their hand at cracking this un-crackable language. The first couple of hours in the classroom literally scared us. They had Pinyins, Initial & Final tones and three full pages of words that needed to be practiced with the right tone! Apparently in Mandarin there are 4 tones for each word! But before you utter the three swear words (no no, not WTF; its Goodness Gracious Me :)) let me also tell you that in Cantonese there are about 9 tones for most words!… And 26 hours of classes later we are still struggling to remember the right tones for the right words!

This is how it sounds when I briefly introduce myself in Mandarin(Note the use of “tones” on each of those words):
Nǐ Hǎo. Wǒ Jiào Vani. Wǒ Shì Yìndù Rén. Wǒ Shì Zài Zhōngguó guòqu 2 nián. Wǒ hé wǒde lǎogōng gōngzuò zài Guǎngzhōu. Wǒ gēn Wang Tao xué Hànyǔ.

It simply translates into:
Hello. I am Vani. I am an Indian.I have been living in China for the last 2 years. I and my husband work in Guangzhou. I am learning Chinese from Wang Tao (Our Mandarin teacher Wichin’s native name). If you thought that was crazy, you must see how it is when it's written!

There are no separate words in Mandarin to discrimate genders and so a he or a she is just a plain "Ta". There are no plurals for anything too. Its always 1 pen, 2 pen or 3 pen.. and the simplicity of this language ends there.

A slight mis-pronunciation of the tones can land us in very awkward situations. For instance: If I go to a restaurant and tell them I want Jī (鸡), it means “chicken”. But if I pronounced it as Jì (妓), then I just ordered myself a “prostitute”!!
Amused? I’ll let you in to some more tone faux pas. Lǎogōng (老公) means “husband”. But if you happen to say Lǎogong (老公) it means a “eunuch”...and still if you say it as Láogōng (劳工) it means going into “labour”!!!. The word Sì (四) means “4”..but if you pronounced it as Sǐ (死) it means “death” and Sī (丝) means “silk”. Guì (贵) means “expensive” whereas Guī (鮭) means “salmon” and Guǐ (鬼)means “ghost”!

A lot of words with the same tone and the same Chinese characters can mean different things under different circumstances too, like for example the word Tái (台). This word with the same Chinese character and tone can mean “typhoon” or a “stage / platform”.

Who would have ever guessed that Ramayana is known here as Luó Mó Yǎn Nǎ and Mahabharata is Mó Hē Pó Luó Duō!

Now, to make an already complicated language more complex they have something called as “measure words” like we use in English for some objects such as a “loaf” of bread, a “pair” of jeans etc..but in Mandarin they have over a 100 measure words for a whole lot of things...even for things that don’t need them. Instead of plainly saying “two cars”, they say “two –measure word– cars”...how about that for keeping things simple.

To say this is a difficult language would be a gross under-statement. Wish I am able to learn it to make a decent conversation atleast...sigh!.

By the way, the title “Wǒ huì shuō yīdiǎn Pǔtōnghuà” means “I can speak a little Mandarin” :)

I am like this only.

This blog has survived a year. When I started putting up my thoughts and experiences on this platform I did not expect this to travel this long and considering what a chronic procrastinator I am, I must say that I am pleased to see it still alive.

With this 24th post marking the moment, I thought I must dedicate it totally to me. No people. This is no Narcissism or Soul-searching. I simply wanted to list out things that I like or dislike so that years later if I ever change, I wanted to remember being what I was. So here I go.

1) If soul-mates could be non-humans then I think movies and books would be a part of my list. I used to read ‘em dime a dozen but have slowed down a lot, thanks to the pretense of being busy on the job. Ayn Rand’s “Fountainhead” has been my best read so far. A habit I copied from V, I must say that I really do enjoy watching those movies and for the last 2 years I have even recorded the “watched-list” names. No prices for guessing that I am totally partial towards Pacino, De Niro and Mohanlal. If there are second favourite lists allowed, it would have Hanks, Depp and Di Caprio. I have a few more that will fit into the “not so bad” list too.

2) I like them men just plainly-sexual...not metro-sexual!! So please, please do not wear pink, velvet, bling or florals, do not shave your chest, legs and arms and do not ever, ever wear tapering jeans or trousers (you can do all this only if you are Hrithik Roshan!).All you Himesh Reshammiyas out there…shoo away. You belong to another planet. Please let earth remain for saner people.

3) I am an ardent Calvin and Hobbes fan...If Calvin is the imaginative 6 year old, then Hobbes is his greatest voice of reason. They were the coolest comic pair one could have grown up reading.

4) Doggies must be one of God’s best creations of life forms. These cute, adorable things never fail to make me go awwwww…I grew up with almost 16 of them at home and each one of them contributed their bit for fond lasting memories.

5) I am partial towards Namma Bengalooru. Maybe because I was born and raised there and maybe because I was one of the lucky few who lived through its wonderful phase before the IT boom brought about its downward spiral. Although now, this city remains only as a distant resemblance of its past, the memories of the hale (old) Bengalooru, with its English-named streets, old town pubs that played all my favourite rock numbers, the then “golden-quadrangle” of Galaxy, Symphony, Plaza and Rex theatres around my college area that we used to frequent, the now non-existent boulevard on the M.G Road, the Gulmohar-lined avenues that never fail to burst into bright red-orange blossoms at the onset of each spring, the moral police that minded only their own morals and the weather to die for remains etched in my mind.

6) I love music...I can’t claim that I am this punter and all but some good music of the Rock genre in the likes of Pink Floyd, Scorpions, GnR, Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin...you get the drift right and ofcourse A.R.Rahman, Yesudas, S.P.B’s soul-stirrers can spring me back into a vim-ful mood.

7) I hate them morning alarmas. Awake, shine and rise must have been words made for the early birds that do believe they get the first worms.. but not for me. Whoever thinks they are out to conquer the world by waking up at 6 am has not known the real joy of sleeping. Snuggling under the sheets deeper as the morning becomes brighter; snoozing the alarms atleast 5 times before you actually really open your eyes; curse the sunlight for emerging so quickly when you just went to bed a few hours ago is a daily routine for me. I take almost an hour to jolt out from my sleep after I am awake...so there you are.

8)I am obsessed with perfumes. My overtly sensitive olfactory nerves couldn’t have wanted anything more than a good fragrance to sate it. The current faves are Nina Ricci’s Premier Jour, Bvlgari’s Pour Femme and Versace’s eponymous perfume simply named as “Versace” which I feel is a real classic. Given a chance I can shop endlessly for these wonderful smelling products...So, all you people out there intending to present me something you know you don’t have to think too hard for a gift idea :)

9) I am a complete travel aficionado. Given a choice between owning let’s say a Sedan or travel around the world for that money, I would jump for the latter. There is definitely a high in travelling to a new place each time and drinking in the wonders it offers to you.

10) I love colours. I am in awe with the nature for its greens...the seas with its blues and the brighter the dresses are the more I like them. I tend to lean a lot towards Blue, Green, Red and Black and do not prefer them pastels.

11) Indian reality (??) shows and soaps in all the languages I understand there give me the creeps. From the 500 year old Baa in the Kyunki saas bhi khabhi bahu thi to MTV’s mindless Splitsvilla to Rakhi’s torturous prime-time wedding saga has left me with headaches to last a life-time. This from watching a sample episode of each of them. I shudder to even think of what might have happened to me if I was one of the billion that actually followed these telecasts completely!

12) I am an anti-social-element, no no..not a terrorist, but someone who lacks the smooth-talking social skills. I am very comfortable with the people I already know very well than put in a lot of effort to know new ones. Yeah I know its nice to know new ones and its great to be socially-inclined and all that..and I am working on this people. Till then, swalpa adjust maadi.

13) Although I do not have a problem with the existence of female bosses, I hate to report into one. I always have a dart of bad luck with them & every one of these species I have worked with seems to have their run with the Queen Bee Syndrome! Sorry women...you need to use your PMS quirks on someone else and not me.