...In lighter veins!

I have been intending to post this for a while now but as usual I have been procrastinating a lot… Like all deferrers say, it’s better late than never!

With every newspaper keeping aside a considerable portion of their columns to write about the global financial meltdown and with so many market watchers and eminent economists predicting the fate of the world economy and so many discussions on this subject, I know that anything more that I, or for that matter anyone else, write on it is just otiose. However, over the past few months, I have come across a few write-ups that help one to look at the subject in lighter notes. I have compiled them here for future reading as well….
(courtesy: a lot of sources from the internet)

a) A little ditty about Merrill Lynch and CEO John Thain..

At first I was amazed,
But I was dignified

When Merrill offered me the job,
I almost died
But I've spent the last few nights wondering just what went wrong
Our firm was strong
But I wasn't the boss for very long
There was just no way back
From Stan's bad place
I didn't have the time to write down all our toxic waste

I should have dumped it all at once
That really was the key

Then all those short sellers
Wouldn't have made such a fool of me
I thought we'd press on
I was pretty sure
Please believe me
I didn't see BofA coming through our door

But our firm stock, it soon went short
And the future, it looked real black
Like Lehman we'd get caught
And there would be just no way back
The name's John Thain (But I'm not to blame)
I thought we'd survive

Oh, now I'll soon be off
I'll be on my way

But I've got that real big bonus
Then there's my stock option pay
So I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey
It took all the self-belief I had
To stay this strong
I even called up Goldman Sachs
To see if they would come along
And I spent all last weekend
Trying to do a deal
But I just can't lie
Now this firm don't need me
You'll have someone new
Ken Lewis rules
That much is very true
Our staff will really feel the pinch
You'll soon be feeling blue

There'll be no more Merrill Lynch
No more jobs left for me and you
I thought we'd press on
I was pretty sure

Please believe me
I didn't see BofA coming through our door

But our firm stock, it soon went short
And the future, it looked real black
Like Lehman we'd get caught
And there would be just no way back
The name's John Thain (But I'm not to blame)
I thought we'd survive
But I thought we'd press on
I was pretty sure
Please believe me
I didn't see BofA coming through our door

But our firm stock, it soon went short
And the future, it looked real black
Like Lehman we'd get caught
And there would be just no way back
The name's John Thain (I'm off to work for John McCain)
Sorry we didn't survive

b).The after-effects of the sub-prime crisis:

President Bush said, the clients shouldn't be concerned by all these bank closings. If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he said.

George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman brothers… His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland?
Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas. If you want to trade in derivatives, God bless you.

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I'd have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stablized.

"I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any e-mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it" — Jay Leno

"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are now? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street" — Jay Leno

Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

Q: What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker?
A: A tie

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left

I went to buy a toaster and a bank was given free with it!

c). An ode to Lehman Bros...

There once was a bank built on credit
Toxic loans, CDOs further fed it
But when it came time to sell
It was after the bell
And the Fed and the Street simply fled it

But think of us upper class bankers
Good food and champagne we still hanker
Now back on Main Street
No more world at our feet
Yet still we are thought of as .......

Who next ? What now ? Where to go ?
Are we heading for Wall Street's last throw ?
Replaced by hedge funds emerging
Sovereign money resurging
Is there a future for us ? We don't know'.

d). Investment banking groom valuations fall in Wedding market

Hyderabad: The subprime crisis in the US has made its effects felt in India as well, this time in the highly lucrative weddings futures market in Andhra Pradesh. "An IIM passout at a US investment bank like Lehman Brothers was as good as it got, a few weeks back. But now parents of brides want to stay as far as possible from such profiles", said Dr Rajan, an expert with over 20 years of experience in the matrimonial industry.

The first visible effects were noted in the online space yesterday with scores of investment banking profiles being "blocked" by women across matrimonial & social networking sites. Apparently the average "Be my friend" request index from 20 - 26 years old women to investment bankers have dropped from 24 to 2 in a period of three weeks. "As Indians, we have always been trained to think long term", said an unrepentant Sophia after deleting 6 investment bankers from her Friends list.

Mrs Narayani, head of the Old Wives & Aunts Network, the most powerful lobby working in this industry said that the offline impact will also be felt sooner than later. "As of today, we are downgrading Financial Services, Investment banking & Outsourcing from 'Marriage Material (MM)' to 'Ignore Politely (IP)'. But we stand committed to all deals that have been mutually agreed upon before Sep 15th, provided the groom can present evidence of fresh employment & adequate capital reserves, preferably in cash only", she said.

Raj Malhotra, a Lehman Brothers investment banker who was holding out, hoping for a better valuation said "Maybe I should not have waited so long & should have accepted the buyout offer from the Mysore based girl". Utopia has also learnt that a number of investment bankers have lowered their next quarter projections and are now ready to marry any girl who will just let them.

It is also reported that the worst fears of any banker - the girl insisting on a sense of humour - might also come true as the market prepares itself for a long winter.